Sunday May 11th to Thursday 15th - Insights

I left Bevan's little art studio dream hideaway (he is a real artist) and headed toward the brand new Gaylord Conference Centre on the Potomac river at National Harbor. (misspelled Harbour). I can only say that the roads I rode were beyond death traps. My closest encounter with death was on the I295 South as my front tyre ran into a huge crevice that was 4" deep and snaked for 15 yards. The rear tyre hopped wildly from side to side as I stood up on the pegs quickly and relaxed my grip on the bars. At the end of the pothole I bought air-time and landed slightly askew but managed to straighten the whole mess out. The roads I saw in Washington DC are the worst I have ever encountered and are not even up to 3rd world standards. So here I am ranting in my helmet: the US Government plans to fix the world and can't even pave the driveway in front of the Whitehouse? Duffers. I think Obamah and Hilary need to start meeting some German road pavers and stop campaigning. Plonkers.

Like all convention centres, checking in takes days as the reception staff watch computer screens without speaking for interminable hours as you stand, aching and sweating for a stupid room number and a key. I am dying to see who wrote the useless software they have to use. The front entrance is jammed with arriving delegates. I leave and ride round the back to attempt to find a soul in the loading bays. I am to meet Steve Dunn to organise getting the R1 on the Swiftpage exhibition stand. The guys like the bike and are so helpful. One black worker says to me straight-faced "Sho yu can ride ova de carpet...ifn ya'll does a wheelie". These guys are such a laugh but the work gets done efficiently.

A guy called Charles runs the crews it seems. He has a tricked out Suzuki Hyabusa and promises to let me ride it. Man oh man! Charles...you are the man! Thanks for the test ride. This baby turns a lot better than it should and makes enough noise to win the Iraq war with one blip of that throttle. I wasn't keen on the slippery handgrips (but do they look good!). I won't relate his hilarious tales about speed and cops but he is one cool guy.

As to this place as a convention centre...don't get me started! I plan to inflict serious bodily harm to the architect. No one can find their rooms, there are not enough lifts and if you take the wrong bank of lifts your room is not listed on the walls etc etc. How can you learn NOTHING from the other Gaylord resorts? This bunch of duffers managed it. I'll bet they are also in charge of the roads in DC.

Monday I get up late and spend hours cleaning the R1 with "auto cleaning tissues" (renamed baby bum-wipes) that a friendly loading bay chap gave me so as to appear nice and fly-gut free on stage. Except that my stage appearance all got cancelled bit by bit until I sat sweaty and forlorn on my bike all alone in an empty exhibition Hall whilst all the ACCs listened to speeches and saw a photo of me in AZ setting off. I KNOW it was my bad haircut that caused it! It didn't really matter as they came in droves and expressed support in every way imaginable. I have so many business cards and invites to visit I could ride for months saying thank you. Many donated to the charity. Thanks to you all. Needless to say the convention is the highlight of the Sage year and we party, dance, drink and meet old friends until the wee hours. It was so hectic for me that when I saw Cary Pfeffer (LA and Phoenix TV news presenter that kindly gave me tips before I set off) I didn't recognise him! Cary runs a communication business and his newsletter is great.

The whole of the 5 days was a blur of chatting and explaining and walking the endless miles back and forth from the rooms. The best part for me was the Magical Mystery Tour party with the Beatles knock-off band Fab Four. They were very good. That is an understatement. The guy who did Lennon had the voice down pat! I could have sung along for hours as was true of all there. I caught the band as they left the stage and asked them "Are ya Scousers or Woolybacks?" John looked non-plussed for a second, grinned when the penny dropped and said "We're Americans". Fair cop mate. You were brill.

Since Jax sent the card to the children at the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp we planned for her to meet the staff. She had to be tough after an operation so when the ever-helpful Richard Gordon agreed to take her in the car for the tough 61/2 hour ride to Westport I was relieved. These roads for hours? No thank you!